Importance of Conflict with Liz Kislik - Issue #30

Hey friend! Typing this newsletter out from my hotel room in Louisville after giving my first 3 hour workshop! I can’t WAIT to share some content from it. I got super tactical on how to use social media to find your dream job! 

I don’t know about you, but I HATE conflict. I’m a 3 on the enneagram and in ‘unhealth’ I go to a 9 (which is the peacemaker). But after my talk with Liz who is a management consultant and executive coach, I really wanted to share what I learned! Hope you enjoy! 

Link to Episode: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2txWBwdJdzzqPcDHIjB2uH?si=YK7ZWChQSIeF6zj83lgM5g

Some tips from Liz…

• Think about your body, if your body is calm your body will figure out it is not in danger

• Do this exercise: look over your shoulder, then in the other direction. You have checked the environment and see that there is no physical danger. This will allow you to have connection back.

• Notice four things visually. See the doorknob, hear the white noise machine, hear the traffic outside, your hands on the tabletop, put your hands on your thighs

• Noting is a concept that the Buddhists use. It is not as helpful to say I feel angry. Say, I notice that I am having a feeling of anger. If I am noticing, then, I can see the feeling is not all of me, it is only a part of me.

• In tough times we cling to what is safe. We have become accustomed to working from home. If I leave this safe place, I may feel overwhelmed. We have overworked ourselves.

• Start with meeting a colleague for coffee and a walk. Not a full lunch. Then work your way up to a formal dinner.

• Referring to yourself in the second person is very helpful. It is useful. We DO attack ourselves, all the time. “We screwed up”, “we are an embarrassment”. We take the harshness and apply it to ourselves. When we talk to ourselves in the second person we are kinder. 

• The voices of the people that are negative are much louder than the voices of the people that support you. Rick Hansen, psychologist, talks about our brains being velcro for the negative and teflon for the positive.

• What is one thing you would tell your younger self about as a word of encouragement as to where you are now? 1. I would remind myself, no I am not a complete failure. What can you build from here? 2. Find people that you can look up to. Either because you want some of what they have, observe them. Adopt and adapt.

Hope you enjoyed this newsletter! If you feel like someone will get something out of this newsletter, I’d love for you to point your friends to it! My goal is to try to help as many people as I can in their daily life/career. If you have any developer friends looking for a job with 3+ years of experience, you know where to find me! Talk next week!

-Taylor